Walta's Back!!

I haven't been on for awhile and posted anything.  In part because I don't have a laptop anymore, but also because I got so worked up in working.

Which is a horrible reason because I was using work as a distraction from my problems.  I think that is something I have always done.  Worked 50 to 70 hours a week in order to keep my mind off of things that are going on in my life.  Cuz when I am no working, I am left to my thoughts.  Thoughts that drive me up the wall!  

So I am back, back to release my thoughts.  To  open up to the world again.  To hopefully help not only myself, but others as well.

To  start with, today marks my 414 days clean from dope.  Something everyday I am so proud of.  It still is crazy to me that I ever allowed myself to get so addicted to something that I hated for so many years.  I still find it unbelievable that I spent so much money and time using something that did nothing but mask my feelings.  At the time it made sense, at the time it worked.

Now that I think about it, that is the same thing I am doing with work right now too.  Using work to mask my feelings.

Speaking about work, I have gotten myself a new job.  I left the nursing home that I worked at for over three years back in June and in July started working at another nursing home.  I love it there.  It is a lot of work at times, keeps me busy, but it also has me using more of my CMT skills and knowledge then I was before.  This new place has also helped me decided that trying for my LPN is the best thing for me to do to kick start my nursing career.  

So that is my plan for next August.  To hopefully be accepted to this accelerated LPN program from one of the best schools around me.

I am excited

I am nervous 

I am scared

But I am determined too!

Nursing is what I love, it is what I am passionate about, it is a job that I would love to wake up  and do every single day of the week.  It is where my heart is, so I must follow my heart!

Something I was always scared of doing; following my heart.

In the past my heart has lead me down painful pathways, but not this year.  2016 really has been the year for me.  I have finally put myself first and my happiness first and have been nothing but satisfied since then.  Putting myself first has allowed me to enjoyed my time, be happy with work, with friends, family, and in my new relationship.

Yes, that is right, I am not single.  

For once this is a relationship that wasn't rushed.  We met back in March and dated for months until I finally worked up the nerve to ask him to be my boyfriend on May 6th.   Dating him has been one of the best times of my life.  We never have a dull moment together.  We always laugh, talk, and adventure.

He's understanding.

He's caring.

He's outgoing.

He's funny.

He's adorable.

He's all mine.

I could talk about his for hours honestly, but I know that would just lead to me rambling.  So I wanted to end this out by saying I'm back!! Be ready for more post from me.  Hopefully ones that are helpful of course!

Feel free to comment, I would love to hear from some of those who read these.

A Wednesday I'll Always Remember

Things started out as a typical Wednesday for me, a good Wednesday even.  Woke up early and saw a text from one of my bosses asking if I could come in to work.  I told her, as long as I could leave long enough to go to my 10:00 am therapy appointment, I would come in.  She said that was fine and even offered to give me the evening shift off but I said no because I wanted the overtime.

At that moment I wanted the overtime.

So I went into work, busted my butt for about an hour and a half, then had to jet off to my therapy appointment.  

My therapy appointment went good.  I told him about the letter to my real dad and how it had felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders.  How I was happier.  How I felt closure.  He was happy, could see my demeanor, and was congratulating me on my progress so far. 

It was then that I started talking to him and telling him how even though I was happier in that area I was extremely unhappy and even feeling depressed sometimes because of my work environment.

I told him how it always seemed, no matter how hard I tried or how hard I worked, I always had a boss out to get me.  This is what was pulling me down, making me feel depressed at times.  Even making me feel competitive at times because the way she made me feel made me want to show that I was a harder, better, stronger worker than she was.

I look back now and I feel like I have been childish about our whole relationship at times.  I've always had a problem with authority.  So, I think the fact I struggled with her without knowing why she didn't really like me caused me to be so affected by her.

I then told him how I felt like even when I was at work, I was still at work.  I have felt like my home life has sorta became another work environment for me.  Having two sisters come home from stints in the hospital before thanksgiving caused me to go into full blown "nurse" mode.  I scheduled (or set the times) for one sister's medication and became active in the treatment of the other sister's wound.

Although I love my siblings, love what I do, coming home and feeling like you still gotta work drains me,

But I wouldn't know what to do if it was any other way.

Finally, I told my therapist about how it saddened me to watch my mother take care of so many different people in our families.  I have watched a women hustle my entire life to take care of her family. Which hasn't stopped even though she is in her late 40's with children all grown.  She still sacrifices so much for her children it kills me that she isn't able to enjoy her life the way she should.

It reminds me of a line in Iggy Azalea's song "Work" where she says how one day she wants to thank her mother for the sacrifice she made.

That is something I aspire to do, but find it so hard because I feel like no matter what I am doing I keep falling back twos steps, although that is how life always feels even when its not true.

Back to my therapy appointment, after hearing these things my therapist told me I needed to sit down with my highest boss and explain how I couldn't keep feeling like my other boss was out to get me or I would have to find new work immediately.  He also said I need to work really hard to be able to move out of my mothers house.  He thinks it would help with my issues a lot if I was completely dependent upon myself.  Which I can agree with completely

Just can be scary.

So After my therapy appointment, I started heading back to work, send a text to two of my bosses.  One saying I needed to speak with her about a work issue per my therapist; the other to tell her to let another worker have my evening shift so I could take it off and relax.

Both conversations went well, and the rest of my 7-3 shift went great as well.  When I got off work, I was still smiling and happy heading home.  I'm not completely sure when the night turned bad, but when it did, it was something I have never experienced before.

I was sitting in my room when my mom asked if I wanted to go with her to take my sisters to the library and to eat.  Since I couldn't find any friends to hang with I decided it would be good for me to get out of the house since I was already starting to feel down and sad.

So while in the car, I started a blog from my iPad.  When we got to the library I finished the blog.  With every moment passing I could feel myself becoming more and more down about myself and my life.

When we got to the restaurant I completely didn't feel like myself at this point.  About 15 minutes into being there is when I finally had to accept the fact I suffer from depression.  I say this because at that random moment in time, one of my sisters made a comment (a positive one not a negative one) about nursing school and I completely lost it.

I stepped outside to smoke on a cigarette for a moment allowing the cold air to fight back my tears.

As soon as I sat back down at our table, in the front of the restaurant, there was no more cold air to fight back the tears for me.  I tried to myself, but the battle was quickly lost.  No one knew what was wrong with me until I started blubbering about not being able to afford college and how I felt like I was never going to get into nursing school.

All things I know will happen at one point in my future just not at the fast past I want, but at that moment there was no telling me any different.  Finally my sister realized that what she had said was a trigger for my depression.  She held my arm and calmed me down.  My sister, the one I have felt like I have been needing to take care of since she returned home, was now needed to calm me down.

Her and I were the only ones at the table who suffered from depression.  That we know of.  She was the only one who knew how to help me through it the best way possible.

Her and my friend DJ, who I was texting with throughout the entire ordeal who turned around and drove 35 minutes from his house to mine to come and talk to me, chill with me, and get me to a place of relaxation to where I was able to feel normal again.

Without those two, that Wednesday night would have been a horrible mess for me.

Like they both have said, like my therapist has said, like my mother has said, it is all one step at a time.

And like Iggy Azalea said Impossible is Nothing

Dear Walter

Dear Walter A Moore I,

I am writing you this letter to clear up the air, to clear up my heart, and to hopefully clear up my future.  Originally I was going to write a "Dear Dad" letter but then I realized, I would be calling you the wrong thing.  At the most, "Dear Sperm Donor" would be good enough.  Out of respect I shall just write this as a normal letter with your name in it.

Where shall I begin?  Well first off I want to thank you for the few years of my life you were actually present and active in my life!  I grew up thinking mom had either adopted Nicole and I or that she was some how like the virgin Mary except without giving birth to God's children.  So when you were actually present it let me know where I had came from and allowed me to see the part of me that I had never known.

The good years were from 13 to 15.  We spent almost every weekend together, and every other Tuesday or Thursday together.  I can't honestly remember for sure off the top of my head because those two years and you were both buried into a cement cell in my head.

This cement cell has affected me more in life then I thought it would when I first created it at the age of 15.  I would have never thought back then that such a cell would weigh so much on my shoulders.

When I was 15, you bounced.  Again.  From my life.  No real reason was given.  I can only assume its because you checked your web browser history, saw that I was checking out gay blogs on xanga.com, and couldn't handle having a gay son.  This is fine.  Many people can't handle it.  Hell mom and I have just recently started talking about boys and dating and what have you with one another.  She found out I was gay when I was 16.  It might have taken about 7 years for the communication lines to open up but at least they did.  She didn't run.  She's strong.

When you left me for the second time, you did a word of damage that I never wanted to admit until now.  Now I have trust issues, relationship issues, drug issues, alcohol issues, and love issues.

I can't trust many people because I'm always afraid they are going to leave me just like you have.  I have had numerous friends, guys, hell even jobs since I was 15 and nearly all of them have been like revolving doors in my life because I have no trust.  No faith.

I have relationship issues because I go for guys who are just like you.  Which is surprising because I have always said I would never date a black guy because I would feel like I was dating you.  I may not have ever dated a black guy, but I have dated more guys that are like you than I'm happy to admit.  I date the guys that are pieces of shit, that are users, abusers, scum, and no good.  I date them because I'm convinced that I can change them.  I can make them better, I can make them amazing people, I can make them want to stay with me past 3 weeks.

Needless to say this is far from true.

But I don't want you to think I have always dated POS guys.  No, I have actually dated a handful of really great amazing guys.  Ones that treated me right, cared about me, wanted to be with me.  You want to know what I did with those guys? I sabotaged things.  I cheated, I lied, I became just like you in order to mess things up because I knew deep down they would run just like you.

I have had more drug addictions since the day you left than you can ever imagine.  Every last one of them was to fill the void that not having my father around left me.  Drugs masked the pain I felt deep down.  The loneliness I felt, the emptiness I felt all could be avoid by using drugs.  I am proud to say that I was able to conquer that issue on my own.  143 days sober as of today.

Alcohol was always my original way to handle to fact that you left me again.  Alcohol also one of the major things that destroyed my life.  Do you remember our last conversation we ever had?  I was 18 and was trying to tell you the outcome of my DWI cases.  You were under the impression I wanted money from you.  I might be a little stuck up in life, I might like the finer things, but never have I just wanted money from you.  I could careless about your money, I was just telling you what was going on in my life.  Although I'm not sure why because at that point you had your new family, your new daughter and son and didn't need me anymore remember?

Love is something I don't really think I know what the true meaning is.  Parents are who are suppose to show their children what love is.  Mom did her best to show me, but being a single parent for awhile meant she had to work a lot to take care of two kids because child support wasn't happening.  Yes she got remarried, but by that point my definition of love was already defined within my young mind.

Although you weren't there you still had a major impact in my life.  An impact I wish wasn't true.  You are truly a person I wish I could forget about.  That task is impossible to do because daily I am reminded of you just when I hear my name.  When I look in the mirror.  I think through my past and I have done things that you have done in your past.   Drank like a fish, smoked cigarettes, lied, cheated, and ditched.

This letter was not meant to be a bitch session.  A blame you for everything type.  No, this letter is to say I forgive you.  I understand you and mom couldn't stay together because the love was gone.  I know you had to do what was best for you.  I admire that, because I too want to do whats best for me.  This is why I am whole-heartedly forgive you.

This letter is to say I wish you the best.  This is where I would like to completely part ways.  I ask that  you please don't message me on Facebook anymore on my birthday or ask mom for my number to tell me happy birthday.  Or any other holiday you deem important enough to contact me.  I no longer harbor resentment for you, I no longer harbor anger or hatred for you.  I know you did what was best for you.  You didn't know the long term affects of those choices but being one of the individuals affected by your choices I won't let them affect me anymore.

I hope your life is good.  I hope your family is good.  I hope you live a long and happy life Walter.

Sincerely,

Walter A Moore II

Dealing With Whats Your Closet

I don't know about you, but I know when I came out of the closet I proceeded to shut the closet door and leave all that stupid shit behind.  Well I'm slowly starting to see that is NOT the way to handle things.  I have been seeing a psychiatrist for a couple months now and in our last get together on Monday he asked me if I was seeing a therapist.  When I told him no he laughed and said, "So you complete by passed the therapist before coming to the psychiatrist?"  I sure in the hell did! I have a bad history with therapy where I was always told I was the cause of all the problems even though I was just an 8 year old child.  But I'm not going to allow my past to affect my now and my future so heavily.  This new therapist told me that it was time to talk and get those damn skeletons out of the closet so I will.  One by one for each meeting we have have weekly for now.

I recommend everyone does that.   Maybe you don't have the money for therapy, or the time, or even the desire to go see a therapist.  Create a blog and make that your therapy session.  This post here will be about my first skeleton.

My first skeleton is that I always feel lonely and unwanted.  Although I've never wanted to admit it, a big reason why I feel this way is because my real father wasn't in my life until I was 13 years old and then the moment he found out I was gay he split when I was 15.  Those two years we spent a lot of time together were great.  He showed me how much I love to golf, how amazing Minsky's Pizza is, and that video game golf was just as fun as the real deal.  Then he left. Disappeared.  Informed me he had his new family and his new kids and had done it write this time so he didn't need me or my sister anymore.

I thought I was find with this.  Hell I had gone 13 years without knowing the man I didn't think it would be much different now that he was gone again.

But my therapist pointed out how since that happened I seem to date or attempt to date guys that don't stick around past 3 weeks.  I do this because I think I can fix whatever the issue is that causes guys to leave after 3 weeks.  Subconsciously I'm doing this to try and fix my thoughts of being unwanted by my dad by choosing the same kinda douche bags that he is.

After my therapist said that, it made since.  That is something I do.  As soon as I meet a guy I tell them about my three week curse then upon three weeks when they wanna split I do everything in my power to try and fix whatever it is that's causing them to wanna leave.  When  in reality it's just because were not compatible, it was nothing to do with me like I think, but everything to do with chemistry.

I will say this in my defense.  Since I got sober from Meth on July 4, 2014, I have dealt with only one guy who has showed the whole 3 week curse.  But he needed to be gone anyways because he wasn't good for me anyways.

And yes I said since I got sober from Meth on July 4th of this year! 131 days! My next post will be about how I did it and tips to help you or a friend or loved one!

I leave you know with this quote that I have no clue where it came from or who said it but they couldn't have been anymore more right:
"You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one"

Think over that one until my next post.who read my posts!

Thanks always & forever!
Walter Moore

By My Side

Still working hard to get the Poem section of the blog up and running!

Whats your favorite idea for a "name" for the section? Comment and let me know!

Poems

Poetry

Poetry Corner

WaMoo-Poems-4-You

Any other ideas are welcome!! Like I've said before this isn't going to be a poetry spot for just me it will be for EVERYONE to have a place to show their talent and skill!

After spending many days going through all my drives, e.i. Google Drive, Dropbox, Box, Skydrive, I finally was able to locate the other poem I recently wrote!! I also found my final draft of "The Thief" which I truly love!

Today I will be attaching my other poem for y'all to read.  "The Thief" final copy will be revealed on the poem sections opening day :)

By My Side

As I lay here,

You by my side,

A mind full of fear,

A heart on a ride.

My joy is right here,

My pain has to hide,

I hold back a tear,

Fake a smile so wide,

To you it must seem mere,

The thoughts locked inside,

Though this one should be clear,

I’ll announce it with pride:

Baby, forever I'll lay here,

If you're by my side

Outing At The Playground

As a young 4 year old, there wasn't a single care in life to make me second guess someone or to act differently due to fear.  In my eyes, as well as many others, the world was a playground and everyone was here to play!

But as we grow up, this vision of life slowly and completely evaporates from our life's, replaced by mistrust due to dishonesty from those around us.  Why is this?  Why is it that as humans we always want to boast about being "100% real" or a "no liar" yet we can't even be true to ourselves, others, and people as a whole?

For example, I am a firm believer in giving closeted or a "not out" gay plenty of time to fully come out the closet at their own personal pace.  It is not something that can be rushed and it is something that must happen in a way that is most comfortable for everyone, but most of all whoever is coming out MUST be comfortable.  That being say, although I condone taking time to come out, what I do not condone are those who wish to remain "discreet" because they are married, in a relationship, super religious or strict parents, etc.  Why? Because your not being real, your not being honest, which causes there to be a lack of trust in people!

If your married, than good God man why are you stepping out?  If you are obviously not happy where you are then it is time to reevaluate your life, your wants, and your desires.  If you are a man who is married to a women but secretly on Grindr, Jack'd, or adam4adam looking to find some "discreet" play time buddies then you have gotten to be one of the biggest reasons why trust is such an issue.

That is because you aren't just causing distrust in your own personal home, but your actions will always leave a thought deep in the head of your "discreet friend" that will cause him to question his future partner down the road.  You will also begin to have the same mental paranoia that your wife is stepping out just like you and the cycle just grows from there.  Distrust is like the flu or the common cold, extremely contagious. This applies to those in a relationship as well,  stray true, stay faithful, stay trustworthy.

To those who have super religious or super strict parents and think that can excuse them from every fully admitting who they are, who they love, and what not, this is false.  Yes it gives you a little extra time if your under 18 years old.  Then I can respect and understand why you want to wait.  But your 26 year old, live on  your own, graduated college, own car, support yourself and live far form your parents; zero excuse.  One, your over 18 what are you afraid they are going to do?

In my years, every closeted gay's number one fear is that their parents will quit communicating with, or "disown", them forever because they are southern baptist and strict.  Well I too had that exact fear.  I tried everything to keep my secret my secret, and my mom being the sweet angel that she is, she went through a period of time when she was fed up with how my sister and I were behaving so she was overly strict.  In fact, I was shipped of a juvenile psych ward because she found out I was a pot smoker and drinker.  So instead of shipping me off to rehab against my will, at the age of 16, she called the police and said I had threatened to kill myself so that I would be held at St. Luke's in a little country town.  To make a long story short, I was outed by a night time nurse when my mom called up to check up on my progress.

My Mother and I, she's my rock and my idol

You know how she took it? My strict southern baptist mother who had just lied to have me admitted into a psych ward?  She said what I can guarantee at least 75% of those with strict religious parents will say: "Well I don't agree, condone, or support you choosing to sin your life away, you are still my child and I will always love you.  No matter what."

My mom, nephew, and I going to a movie.

In the end, being outed to my mother brought us closer than we have ever been in the 8 years prior.   It is something I am glad happened because the feeling as I released the last boulder on my shoulder was heavenly.  I was finally at peace for the first time in my 16 year of life.  It was the first time I could honestly say I was living without lying.  It was also when my mom started to trust me again.

I can honestly admit that I had re-achieved the feeling of being a 4 year old looking at life as a giant playground.

That feeling didn't last long simply because It became very clear that no one else was living a lie-free life. When I started to see the world as a giant playground again, is when I really got a chance to see how as people grew up, the playground drastically changed; a change that was far from being a good one at that.

Love's True Fairy Tale

Love is something everyone is looking for, right?
The emotion we all yearn to feel at some point in our lives, right?
But who can honestly fully define and explain what love is?

A simple search on Google.com pulls up their definition of love as an intense feeling of deep affection.
Next it shows the Merriam-Webster Dictionary website definition of love as a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person.
Finally it show's our friends from UrbanDictionary.com's definition of  love as nature's way of tricking people into reproducing.

Now, which one of these is the real-life definition?  I believe all of these definitions are accurate and wrong, at the same time.  I believe this because we all know we openly profess our deep love for someone that we have strong feelings for from our extreme attraction to them making us want to be affectionate with them so that we can, in the cause of the heterosexual community, reproduce little babies to carry on our name.  As for us homosexuals, well we just love sex so we to pretend that we can procreate.

Yet this and the other definitions are still missing many factors.  No where are you informed that love is:

Hard-work
Painful
Confusing
Misleading
Always Changing 

Love is about as predictable as trying to say what you will be doing a 2:15 pm on August 31st, 2024.  No one seems to teach people that love is not only the best thing to happen to us, it is also the worse.

In my experience, love always starts out as a breath-taking feeling that creeps up out of nowhere when it is least expected, usually with someone who I never thought could make me feel that way.  During a blissful time,I go blinded to what is going on around me, so it is always a complete shock when suddenly life drops a bomb on me.  You see, every time I blessed with the feelings of love, I am also very much reminded that love is not always the fairy tale we dream.  That's when the other side of love shows its hideous face. 

Heartbreak

Inner pain

Depression

Agony

Photo from http://picsbox.biz

These are parts of love that we aren't shown by Disney or any other network as we grow up. Would we really want to find love if we knew that Cinderella suffered from a drug addiction and depression because the prince before Charming didn't love her the same as she did him? Or that the Beast was really off in that castle isolating himself from the villagers to protect them since he went stark crazy after Beautimous, his lady before Beauty, had laid in bed with half the village while he worked all day?

Photo from www.merchantcircle.com

Of course they don't show that to young vulnerable minds. No, that is not how all relationships play out. Fairy tales do eventually come true for us all.  At some point in life, at a time and place unbeknownst to us we are over take by that euphoric feeling of love again.  This time however, it is not a short high that is then followed by a devastating low, but a everlasting high that has numerous short spurts of fights and disagreements. These disagreement are there just to remind us we are human and can overcome any obstacle with the one we love.

What should you take from this??

It's time to grow up my young friend.
Life is not a Disney Cartoon.
Love is not easy.
Love is not always good nor is it always bad.
Each experience is personal and an opportunity to learn, so take it!

Please leave comments and thoughts and let us continue writing Love's True Fairy Tale

Persistence: When You go for What You REALLY Want!

I messaged this guy on a dating site who I had been communicating with quite a bit before the winter break from school.  

He's a little older than me, a professional in the work world, new and discreet in the gay community.  Now, normally I am anti "discreet" guys because I feel they just use it as a reason to get as much booty as possible without their spouses finding out or even having to admit they have homosexual feelings.  To me they aren't being real or proud of who they are.  Yet this guy, he was different. Not once did he try to get into my pants, to see my locked pics, or anything inappropriate for that matter.  No, he was a gentleman.  From what I could see he was the definition of what a gentleman was, just in a rough mental place battling with his homosexuality.  I don't blame him, not one bit, and no gay male should because we have all been in his shoes before.  I have always respected him and his wished because he was always honest with me, which is about as rare in the Kansas City gay community as it is to find a guy who doesn't know my ex.  

Anyways, lets refer to my discreet friend as Slim.  Right at the beginning of winter break Slim and I had a falling out over a misunderstanding. I had asked him when I was going to get to see his face pics because I had no clue what he looked like. He took this statement as I was being aggressive and pushy, which I can see because I can be pretty invasive on accident. Long story short, he cut our online messaged based friendship to an end after that. After a month of him not responding to my few messages I sent him, he finally caved and messaged me back today. My messages was simple but straight to the point:


"Really enjoyed our chats and w wish you would j understand the miss understanding so we can continue to chat"


Obviously there are grammatical issues (dang you cold weather messing up my tablet typing) but the point was still clear. To my surprise it was given a response i was shocked to get. He started the message with the simple phrase "I've always admired persistence" before going on catching up with me.  My response to that opening statement was simple stating I had master the skill years ago because when its something I want I will get it.  

Is that not how we should all be? I mean if you really want something you can't expect it to just come easy as pie to you. All things that are good in life are easy and aren't free!  Whether your paying with cash or determination and hard work.  I have always been known as the spoiled boy who got everything from mommy and gram gram. To and extent its true, but even when they are buying me something or paying something for me I have to work around the house for it.  Otherwise I'm working hard at my job or even getting a second one to make things happen.  Persistence is one of the skills that really defines us as human beans. I believe those who are persistent are strong and those who expect it given to them freely are weak. 

Which are you?

New Year New ??

The date is currently the 5th day of January 2014.  Who else didn't believe there would be a year such like this? Hell I remember growing up and watching the Jetsons which let me to believe by 2010 society was going to be way different.  Flying cars, robot maids, and living in outer space was what once filled my thoughts of the future.  Instead, in the year 2014, we have Apple with fingerprint scanners, laptops with 3G/4G plus WiFi connections, and vehicles that can first direct you where to drive after you push the button to start it then secondly direct you to parallel park in front of the building.  Not the future imagined by most yet it is the future we know!  With each year that passes, there is also something changing causing use to grow, learn, and change our ways or reasons to do everyday task.  These changes in technology make our day to day life's easier and easier.  So this means change is good right?

Then how come people don not ever want to change. Everyone says they will always be the same, or they have always been the same, but that is not true is it?  If you say its true then you mean to tell me you still crap/piss yourself like babies not toilet trained do? Or you still have to have your back patted in order to get the air bubble form inside you out since you can't on your own? May be a couple overly drastic examples but the point is still made.  Most may not what to admit it but we all change in some way at some point during our journey through it all. In fact, I don't want to imagine life without change.

So with this new year we have lots to look forward to in technology.  What exactly, well I'm not sure off the top of my head.  However, I am for sure of the changes I will be making in the upcoming year.  My major planned change is going to be to truly make school my number one priority.  No longer will I let any guy, friend, or job hold me back and cause me to fail.  I will proceed and make major steps in the right direction.  So my question to you is this: What's the New Year's New You gonna be like?