By My Side

Still working hard to get the Poem section of the blog up and running!

Whats your favorite idea for a "name" for the section? Comment and let me know!

Poems

Poetry

Poetry Corner

WaMoo-Poems-4-You

Any other ideas are welcome!! Like I've said before this isn't going to be a poetry spot for just me it will be for EVERYONE to have a place to show their talent and skill!

After spending many days going through all my drives, e.i. Google Drive, Dropbox, Box, Skydrive, I finally was able to locate the other poem I recently wrote!! I also found my final draft of "The Thief" which I truly love!

Today I will be attaching my other poem for y'all to read.  "The Thief" final copy will be revealed on the poem sections opening day :)

By My Side

As I lay here,

You by my side,

A mind full of fear,

A heart on a ride.

My joy is right here,

My pain has to hide,

I hold back a tear,

Fake a smile so wide,

To you it must seem mere,

The thoughts locked inside,

Though this one should be clear,

I’ll announce it with pride:

Baby, forever I'll lay here,

If you're by my side

The Thief

I haven’t quite mastered the “Poem" section of the blog so until this I will just periodically post poems here until it is all figured out.  This here is the first, true, non-school related poem I ever wrote.  I wrote it for the love of my life.  The poem probably won’t make any sense, with many errors, but that's life.  I’m proud of my poem and the way it relays it’s message.  Hope y’all somewhat enjoy it! Here is goes!

The Thief

By: Walter Moore

No thief of one’s money

nor silver of gold

He’ll leave you your jewelry

Both new and the old

When he sees what he wants

He goes for it fast

His voice is what charms you

Making time dance on past

Your end is his stories

That show his past pain

From this moment on

The Thief's on your brain

With both your souls open

Arms around each other

You’ll gaze in his eyes

As he pulls you closer

He’ll caress of your back

Your spine gets a chill

You feel both hearts racing

Then succumbing to their will

It’s behind these closed doors

That lust turns to passion

From this moment on

The Thief’s your attraction

You know you're in love

While your hand in hand

Wrapped up in his arms

Your dreams growing so grand

His breath fully wakes you

Each one tickles your ear

You still think you’re dreaming

There is no way he’s here

As time really goes fast

to him you stake claim

From this moment on

The Thief holds your flame

The time so far shared

May only equal a week

But each day your love grows

With him perfection you seek

But some thoughts are just dreams

Twas just your misery taunting

He starts to withdraw

A smile so haunting

You two fight and y’all argue

Both words cause such a fray

From this moment on

The Thief has the say

From your life he then walked

Your happiness went with him

While stuck in your bed

You feel life turn grim

Pour your heart into letters

Praying your cries he’ll hear

Your mind plays a cruel game

Making love feel so near

With one last attempt

You bare him your soul

From this moment on

The Thief makes you whole

Your friends and your family

Lovingly give you such grief

For they just can’t see

Why you love the thief

He’s no crook nor a bad guy

He’s just like us all

What they do not know

Is this was all Fate’s call

You weren't in control

In the end or the start

From that moment on

The Thief stole your heart  <3

Carefree Was The Way To Be!

Remember when life was all about how much time could we spend outside with our friends? When the saddest thing we had to deal with was when the sun started to go down and our mothers would be yelling our name from the front door to tell us it was time to come in?

I remember those days and boy do I miss them! For Christmas my grandmother got me the best shirt I have ever owned in my life time! Stylish? No. Expensive? Not possible. Perfect saying? Totally!

What's it say??

"As kids we couldn't wait to grow up
wow, were we stupid"

Is that not beyond true? Me, there wasn't a single day that went by that I wasn't praying, wishing, and impatiently waiting for the day I grew up and became an "Adult".  Now, there isn't a single day that goes by that I am not praying, wishing, and impatiently waiting for the day a time machine is invented so that I can go back to being a kid again!

I ask myself, "Why the heck did I ever want to be an Adult?"

Working?
Bills?
Responsibilities?

There wasn't any of that stuff in my fantasies of adulthood.  Probably because it was never really something I saw.  Well the struggle side at least.  Yes my mom would have to go off to work, for long long hours, but it was something she loved to do so she didn't complain much.  Of course we had bills, but its not something she openly shared with her young children, so I was quite naive to them all together.  Responsibilities, pretty much just like bills, naive from lack of knowledge.

Now being grown does have its perks, but I have yet to find one that is better than living a life carefree like a child does.

Outing At The Playground

As a young 4 year old, there wasn't a single care in life to make me second guess someone or to act differently due to fear.  In my eyes, as well as many others, the world was a playground and everyone was here to play!

But as we grow up, this vision of life slowly and completely evaporates from our life's, replaced by mistrust due to dishonesty from those around us.  Why is this?  Why is it that as humans we always want to boast about being "100% real" or a "no liar" yet we can't even be true to ourselves, others, and people as a whole?

For example, I am a firm believer in giving closeted or a "not out" gay plenty of time to fully come out the closet at their own personal pace.  It is not something that can be rushed and it is something that must happen in a way that is most comfortable for everyone, but most of all whoever is coming out MUST be comfortable.  That being say, although I condone taking time to come out, what I do not condone are those who wish to remain "discreet" because they are married, in a relationship, super religious or strict parents, etc.  Why? Because your not being real, your not being honest, which causes there to be a lack of trust in people!

If your married, than good God man why are you stepping out?  If you are obviously not happy where you are then it is time to reevaluate your life, your wants, and your desires.  If you are a man who is married to a women but secretly on Grindr, Jack'd, or adam4adam looking to find some "discreet" play time buddies then you have gotten to be one of the biggest reasons why trust is such an issue.

That is because you aren't just causing distrust in your own personal home, but your actions will always leave a thought deep in the head of your "discreet friend" that will cause him to question his future partner down the road.  You will also begin to have the same mental paranoia that your wife is stepping out just like you and the cycle just grows from there.  Distrust is like the flu or the common cold, extremely contagious. This applies to those in a relationship as well,  stray true, stay faithful, stay trustworthy.

To those who have super religious or super strict parents and think that can excuse them from every fully admitting who they are, who they love, and what not, this is false.  Yes it gives you a little extra time if your under 18 years old.  Then I can respect and understand why you want to wait.  But your 26 year old, live on  your own, graduated college, own car, support yourself and live far form your parents; zero excuse.  One, your over 18 what are you afraid they are going to do?

In my years, every closeted gay's number one fear is that their parents will quit communicating with, or "disown", them forever because they are southern baptist and strict.  Well I too had that exact fear.  I tried everything to keep my secret my secret, and my mom being the sweet angel that she is, she went through a period of time when she was fed up with how my sister and I were behaving so she was overly strict.  In fact, I was shipped of a juvenile psych ward because she found out I was a pot smoker and drinker.  So instead of shipping me off to rehab against my will, at the age of 16, she called the police and said I had threatened to kill myself so that I would be held at St. Luke's in a little country town.  To make a long story short, I was outed by a night time nurse when my mom called up to check up on my progress.

My Mother and I, she's my rock and my idol

You know how she took it? My strict southern baptist mother who had just lied to have me admitted into a psych ward?  She said what I can guarantee at least 75% of those with strict religious parents will say: "Well I don't agree, condone, or support you choosing to sin your life away, you are still my child and I will always love you.  No matter what."

My mom, nephew, and I going to a movie.

In the end, being outed to my mother brought us closer than we have ever been in the 8 years prior.   It is something I am glad happened because the feeling as I released the last boulder on my shoulder was heavenly.  I was finally at peace for the first time in my 16 year of life.  It was the first time I could honestly say I was living without lying.  It was also when my mom started to trust me again.

I can honestly admit that I had re-achieved the feeling of being a 4 year old looking at life as a giant playground.

That feeling didn't last long simply because It became very clear that no one else was living a lie-free life. When I started to see the world as a giant playground again, is when I really got a chance to see how as people grew up, the playground drastically changed; a change that was far from being a good one at that.

Love's True Fairy Tale

Love is something everyone is looking for, right?
The emotion we all yearn to feel at some point in our lives, right?
But who can honestly fully define and explain what love is?

A simple search on Google.com pulls up their definition of love as an intense feeling of deep affection.
Next it shows the Merriam-Webster Dictionary website definition of love as a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person.
Finally it show's our friends from UrbanDictionary.com's definition of  love as nature's way of tricking people into reproducing.

Now, which one of these is the real-life definition?  I believe all of these definitions are accurate and wrong, at the same time.  I believe this because we all know we openly profess our deep love for someone that we have strong feelings for from our extreme attraction to them making us want to be affectionate with them so that we can, in the cause of the heterosexual community, reproduce little babies to carry on our name.  As for us homosexuals, well we just love sex so we to pretend that we can procreate.

Yet this and the other definitions are still missing many factors.  No where are you informed that love is:

Hard-work
Painful
Confusing
Misleading
Always Changing 

Love is about as predictable as trying to say what you will be doing a 2:15 pm on August 31st, 2024.  No one seems to teach people that love is not only the best thing to happen to us, it is also the worse.

In my experience, love always starts out as a breath-taking feeling that creeps up out of nowhere when it is least expected, usually with someone who I never thought could make me feel that way.  During a blissful time,I go blinded to what is going on around me, so it is always a complete shock when suddenly life drops a bomb on me.  You see, every time I blessed with the feelings of love, I am also very much reminded that love is not always the fairy tale we dream.  That's when the other side of love shows its hideous face. 

Heartbreak

Inner pain

Depression

Agony

Photo from http://picsbox.biz

These are parts of love that we aren't shown by Disney or any other network as we grow up. Would we really want to find love if we knew that Cinderella suffered from a drug addiction and depression because the prince before Charming didn't love her the same as she did him? Or that the Beast was really off in that castle isolating himself from the villagers to protect them since he went stark crazy after Beautimous, his lady before Beauty, had laid in bed with half the village while he worked all day?

Photo from www.merchantcircle.com

Of course they don't show that to young vulnerable minds. No, that is not how all relationships play out. Fairy tales do eventually come true for us all.  At some point in life, at a time and place unbeknownst to us we are over take by that euphoric feeling of love again.  This time however, it is not a short high that is then followed by a devastating low, but a everlasting high that has numerous short spurts of fights and disagreements. These disagreement are there just to remind us we are human and can overcome any obstacle with the one we love.

What should you take from this??

It's time to grow up my young friend.
Life is not a Disney Cartoon.
Love is not easy.
Love is not always good nor is it always bad.
Each experience is personal and an opportunity to learn, so take it!

Please leave comments and thoughts and let us continue writing Love's True Fairy Tale

Persistence: When You go for What You REALLY Want!

I messaged this guy on a dating site who I had been communicating with quite a bit before the winter break from school.  

He's a little older than me, a professional in the work world, new and discreet in the gay community.  Now, normally I am anti "discreet" guys because I feel they just use it as a reason to get as much booty as possible without their spouses finding out or even having to admit they have homosexual feelings.  To me they aren't being real or proud of who they are.  Yet this guy, he was different. Not once did he try to get into my pants, to see my locked pics, or anything inappropriate for that matter.  No, he was a gentleman.  From what I could see he was the definition of what a gentleman was, just in a rough mental place battling with his homosexuality.  I don't blame him, not one bit, and no gay male should because we have all been in his shoes before.  I have always respected him and his wished because he was always honest with me, which is about as rare in the Kansas City gay community as it is to find a guy who doesn't know my ex.  

Anyways, lets refer to my discreet friend as Slim.  Right at the beginning of winter break Slim and I had a falling out over a misunderstanding. I had asked him when I was going to get to see his face pics because I had no clue what he looked like. He took this statement as I was being aggressive and pushy, which I can see because I can be pretty invasive on accident. Long story short, he cut our online messaged based friendship to an end after that. After a month of him not responding to my few messages I sent him, he finally caved and messaged me back today. My messages was simple but straight to the point:


"Really enjoyed our chats and w wish you would j understand the miss understanding so we can continue to chat"


Obviously there are grammatical issues (dang you cold weather messing up my tablet typing) but the point was still clear. To my surprise it was given a response i was shocked to get. He started the message with the simple phrase "I've always admired persistence" before going on catching up with me.  My response to that opening statement was simple stating I had master the skill years ago because when its something I want I will get it.  

Is that not how we should all be? I mean if you really want something you can't expect it to just come easy as pie to you. All things that are good in life are easy and aren't free!  Whether your paying with cash or determination and hard work.  I have always been known as the spoiled boy who got everything from mommy and gram gram. To and extent its true, but even when they are buying me something or paying something for me I have to work around the house for it.  Otherwise I'm working hard at my job or even getting a second one to make things happen.  Persistence is one of the skills that really defines us as human beans. I believe those who are persistent are strong and those who expect it given to them freely are weak. 

Which are you?