July 4th, 2014, when change first began

Being that today is November 13th, 2014 it has been 132 days since I got sober from Meth, Tina, Party, or whatever name you may know it by.  132 days is a small feat it may seem but to me I am quite proud of every day that passes by for increasing my sobriety number.  

Although I was not addicted to meth for as long as some people are, I was already starting to loss control of my addiction.   Everyone says that you got to control your addiction and not let it control you.

That doesn't happen, eventually all addictions take control of their lives.

Mine started with just using when I needed to stay awake for long periods of time studying or doing whatever.  But I would only do a small amount every few days when needed.  Then I started having finals in my summer courses of college so I needed to stay awake for a few days at a time and study or work on projects.  Then I met my ex boyfriend, which was a heavy daily user.  Which then allowed me to release control of my addiction to it's self; It was then that my addiction took control of me.

I won't name names of to who my ex is, out of respect and privacy, but we will refer to him as he, or him, or his

He would want to smoke all day every day, so we would.  I went from doing 0.4 grams every 3 or for days to doing a teener (1.75 grams) a day with him.  I was in love.  I thought I was in love.  I thought he was the one for me.  It took me a long time to realize he wasn't.  Even after you told me to my face he would choose meth over me any day, I still believed he cared for me the way I did for him.

But that is a different story.

Anyways..
after mine and his many break ups I started using uncontrollably.  I stayed up for days and days on in staying awake and either painting, playing on the computer, or whoring out in my room.  Things for me continued to spiral out of control for me until I finally took a moment to sit back and thank of all the people I know who had been using for years, him (my ex) included.  I did not to turn out like them, I had bigger plans for my life.  So I flushed what I had left, broke my pipes and all paraphernalia (or however the word is spelt) and never looked back.

To me, that is how I get about quitting drugs, I just quit doing them.

Things for you might be different.  But quitting is something everyone can do! No matter how long you have been using you can quit! I'm no expert but let me give you a couple suggestions:

Walta's Suggestions for Getting Sober:

• Make sure you don't try to quit unless you truly fully want to quit using whatever drug it may be you are using
• Destroy all objects that were utensils in your use
• Build a support system, if you don't have anyone that knows you are using and don't use themselves, tell them and tell them you need them to be there to support you.
• Sleep for three days.  No matter what your using, it's said that the first three days of recovery are the worse so why not sleep through them if possible? Take time off work or even school so you can sleep
• Be willing and able to talk about your addiction. Be that Narcotics Anonymous , a therapist or counselor, or even a blog.  So way that allows you to get things off your chest
• Download an app that counts for you and shows your how many days you have been sober.  I use Numerous on my iPhone and its the best

These are the few suggestions I can think of right now that have helped me out a lot.  Please feel free to comment and tell me some ideas you have to help build this list.

I know that many of those who read this may not even know me or even know that I was using but again I am proud to say; I Walta have been sober from Meth for 132 days.   I'm proud of myself, and I will keep being strong. 

I urge anyone who is addicted and that is wanting to get sober to do it! Reach out to me if you need someone to talk to, I am always here for people!

Dealing With Whats Your Closet

I don't know about you, but I know when I came out of the closet I proceeded to shut the closet door and leave all that stupid shit behind.  Well I'm slowly starting to see that is NOT the way to handle things.  I have been seeing a psychiatrist for a couple months now and in our last get together on Monday he asked me if I was seeing a therapist.  When I told him no he laughed and said, "So you complete by passed the therapist before coming to the psychiatrist?"  I sure in the hell did! I have a bad history with therapy where I was always told I was the cause of all the problems even though I was just an 8 year old child.  But I'm not going to allow my past to affect my now and my future so heavily.  This new therapist told me that it was time to talk and get those damn skeletons out of the closet so I will.  One by one for each meeting we have have weekly for now.

I recommend everyone does that.   Maybe you don't have the money for therapy, or the time, or even the desire to go see a therapist.  Create a blog and make that your therapy session.  This post here will be about my first skeleton.

My first skeleton is that I always feel lonely and unwanted.  Although I've never wanted to admit it, a big reason why I feel this way is because my real father wasn't in my life until I was 13 years old and then the moment he found out I was gay he split when I was 15.  Those two years we spent a lot of time together were great.  He showed me how much I love to golf, how amazing Minsky's Pizza is, and that video game golf was just as fun as the real deal.  Then he left. Disappeared.  Informed me he had his new family and his new kids and had done it write this time so he didn't need me or my sister anymore.

I thought I was find with this.  Hell I had gone 13 years without knowing the man I didn't think it would be much different now that he was gone again.

But my therapist pointed out how since that happened I seem to date or attempt to date guys that don't stick around past 3 weeks.  I do this because I think I can fix whatever the issue is that causes guys to leave after 3 weeks.  Subconsciously I'm doing this to try and fix my thoughts of being unwanted by my dad by choosing the same kinda douche bags that he is.

After my therapist said that, it made since.  That is something I do.  As soon as I meet a guy I tell them about my three week curse then upon three weeks when they wanna split I do everything in my power to try and fix whatever it is that's causing them to wanna leave.  When  in reality it's just because were not compatible, it was nothing to do with me like I think, but everything to do with chemistry.

I will say this in my defense.  Since I got sober from Meth on July 4, 2014, I have dealt with only one guy who has showed the whole 3 week curse.  But he needed to be gone anyways because he wasn't good for me anyways.

And yes I said since I got sober from Meth on July 4th of this year! 131 days! My next post will be about how I did it and tips to help you or a friend or loved one!

I leave you know with this quote that I have no clue where it came from or who said it but they couldn't have been anymore more right:
"You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one"

Think over that one until my next post.who read my posts!

Thanks always & forever!
Walter Moore

Change It...

Long time without a post, let me not waste a single moment boring you with the details as to why I was silent for so long.  Instead, I will dive right into something I have been grappling with the past three months, that I truly believe is the cause for many issues we all deal with.  

On May 28th, 2014 the news of Maya Angelou's passing spread across the world.  At the age of 86 years old, her death was quite sad but could not have come as much of a shock since Maya had lived a long powerful life.  She touched everyone hearts in someway, shape, or form whether or not they knew it.  Throughout her life, she held many jobs but was vastly known for her writing abilities.  After writing 7 autobiographies, numerous Essays, poems, plays, and screenplays for  both TV and movies Maya was asked on numerous occasions to deliver her power speeches, that also let one to think, at major events.  Most notably at President Barack Obama's Inauguration.

It was during these powerful public speeches that Maya would deliver power statements that, in my opinion, should be changing the world.  The one that a sticks with me the strongest is:

if you don't like something, change it.  If you can't change it, then change your attitude about it.

This statement is one that should be taught right along with the golden rule.  Living by this statement would make life a million times easier to live.

Think about it!

Historically, if something came about that we did not like, we typically just complain or bitch about it.  We grip and complain to our friends about it with the mentality that someone else will fix what we do not like.  Why is that though?  Why do we expect others to change something for us?  Clearly Maya thought as I do that when it comes to things we do not like it is up to US to change it.

And if you can't change it??

Then change your attitude about it! For although you may not have control of the "something" you do not like, you do have control of you and your opinions/views/thoughts about things.  If you change your attitude about something then maybe you will see things through a different light, a more positive light. Maybe even learn something new! 

Let's be real, no one wants to be a negative nancy all the time, its not good for the soul :)