I don't know about you, but I know when I came out of the closet I proceeded to shut the closet door and leave all that stupid shit behind. Well I'm slowly starting to see that is NOT the way to handle things. I have been seeing a psychiatrist for a couple months now and in our last get together on Monday he asked me if I was seeing a therapist. When I told him no he laughed and said, "So you complete by passed the therapist before coming to the psychiatrist?" I sure in the hell did! I have a bad history with therapy where I was always told I was the cause of all the problems even though I was just an 8 year old child. But I'm not going to allow my past to affect my now and my future so heavily. This new therapist told me that it was time to talk and get those damn skeletons out of the closet so I will. One by one for each meeting we have have weekly for now.
I recommend everyone does that. Maybe you don't have the money for therapy, or the time, or even the desire to go see a therapist. Create a blog and make that your therapy session. This post here will be about my first skeleton.
My first skeleton is that I always feel lonely and unwanted. Although I've never wanted to admit it, a big reason why I feel this way is because my real father wasn't in my life until I was 13 years old and then the moment he found out I was gay he split when I was 15. Those two years we spent a lot of time together were great. He showed me how much I love to golf, how amazing Minsky's Pizza is, and that video game golf was just as fun as the real deal. Then he left. Disappeared. Informed me he had his new family and his new kids and had done it write this time so he didn't need me or my sister anymore.
I thought I was find with this. Hell I had gone 13 years without knowing the man I didn't think it would be much different now that he was gone again.
But my therapist pointed out how since that happened I seem to date or attempt to date guys that don't stick around past 3 weeks. I do this because I think I can fix whatever the issue is that causes guys to leave after 3 weeks. Subconsciously I'm doing this to try and fix my thoughts of being unwanted by my dad by choosing the same kinda douche bags that he is.
After my therapist said that, it made since. That is something I do. As soon as I meet a guy I tell them about my three week curse then upon three weeks when they wanna split I do everything in my power to try and fix whatever it is that's causing them to wanna leave. When in reality it's just because were not compatible, it was nothing to do with me like I think, but everything to do with chemistry.
I will say this in my defense. Since I got sober from Meth on July 4, 2014, I have dealt with only one guy who has showed the whole 3 week curse. But he needed to be gone anyways because he wasn't good for me anyways.
And yes I said since I got sober from Meth on July 4th of this year! 131 days! My next post will be about how I did it and tips to help you or a friend or loved one!
I leave you know with this quote that I have no clue where it came from or who said it but they couldn't have been anymore more right:
"You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one"
Think over that one until my next post.who read my posts!
Thanks always & forever!
Walter Moore
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