Just One of Those Days...

Today turned out to be one of those days for me.  I got plenty of sleep last night, slept good, woke up on time and was at work nice and on time.

It's not that I was a bad mood...sad mood...happy mood....or anything like that....I just felt blah.

I wasn't my usual perky morning person, I was just another body in the crowd; which that I a am far from being.  I truly am one of a kind in many ways.  Most anyone who knows me will tell you they could never forget who I am and they always know when I'm around.  Today, however, was totally different.

I felt off.

I felt there but not.

I felt myself over working myself before I could have the chance to over work myself.

So I had a coworker who wanted to come in and work anyways come in and work for me so that I could leave and I knew my last feeling was right.  Even though I still have two shifts left I was already at 34.something hours. Had I stayed tonight it would have put me at close to, if not barely over, 40 hours.  Although I have worked 60 hour weeks here recently, it was when I started having more and more break downs from just sheer exhaustion.

I've noticed something I do even since I quit using Meth; I started using work as my distraction from wanting to use.  I also used work as a distraction from my loneliness I feel when I hang out in my room alone during the day.

By "using work as a distraction"  I mean picking up shifts, coming in early, working a lot of doubles or my days off just to keep myself from having to sit at home alone left to my thoughts.

So I've started this habit of picking up more and more hours at my job, which in turns typically leads me to exhaustion and episodes of depression; I trade my meth addiction for a work addiction.

Which the work addiction is surprisingly harder for me to quit than my meth addiction was.

This is because when I'm at work, I feel wanted, needed, and even at rare times I feel appreciated.  Being at work fills the loneliness I get when I'm at home.  See I don't do my job for the money, or the "job security", or any of those other dumb reasons people get into nursing.  I do my job because I love help people, love to care for people, and love being in the medical field.

At my job, sometimes the workers are all the resident has.  We are like their family.  So naturally you want to be around your family like 24/7 right?

Of course not.  Just like with everything else in life, you should never be around or do something for 24 hours straight every day of the week.  You must take breaks, you must enjoy your time off, and you must relax.

This is something I need to work on doing, taking breaks and relaxing.

So now that I know my feelings earlier were just those "one of those days" feelings, I feel better since I can identify the issue.  Now the question is, to come up with a solution that is good for me.

Until next time!

Walta